even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
