Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She's the barista slut.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
