If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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