If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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