Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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