I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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