It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
