worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found a bag of teeth...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
