Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
