There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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