1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
