I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize