I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
