This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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