That's when you crack a 10am beer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
