wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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