you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
