New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
