i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize