I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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