Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize