I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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