This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think my moral compass just broke
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