let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
