my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
