the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
