The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
