okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
