Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize