i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
