he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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