when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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