Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize