I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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