After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
