Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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