i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
