I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
