so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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