Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
