duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize