Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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