So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
