Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
