I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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