The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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