I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I AM VODKA MAN
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
