my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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