We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
