I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
