So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
