im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize