somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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