you have to choose: penises or morals?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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