It's just like the Real World with babies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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