I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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