I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
