yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
These tits shall not be calmed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
