he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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