Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
