Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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