you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
