finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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