don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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