i don't plan on having that self control this summer
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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