ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
