my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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