I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
